i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have demons in me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
