We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
