i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is wine microwaveable?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can I color on your dick again?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
