I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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