some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
