Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
