went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
