We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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