Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
