first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
