I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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