so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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