You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
