Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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