K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
