i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
