I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
