Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
