Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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