He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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