he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
honey bunches of taint.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
