Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
