Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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