hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
