My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
