I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
