if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
