U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
