I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
