Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
