i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
