is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize