Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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