Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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