thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize