Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
