I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So. Much. Porn.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
