Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
