then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
