Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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