took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
