So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
