Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
