They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
