I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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