Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
