I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
