About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
