Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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