My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
