he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize