I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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