i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
