Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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