eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
