and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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