How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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