If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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