Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
