Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
