there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
