I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
