Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
