I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
