he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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