Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
