a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
