she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
