forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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