Welp...herpes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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