My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
