Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
