I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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