i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
