i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
