God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
